When I was about 13/14, I realized that I was/am attracted to people, not their gender... I know, this may sound weird, but that's how my then undiagnosed AuDHD brain called it... How a person is, and of course how they look to me, is what makes me attracted to them. So I always thought I was bisexual... So I used that when I talked about me and my sexuality...

But then, I learned more about myself. About the different sexual orientations...

And now, I'm wondering if I may be non-binary... I've been reading up about it a bit, trying to understand it better...

This is one of the things that I found online:
*The term “nonbinary” can mean different things to different people. Essentially, it’s used to describe someone whose gender identity can’t be described as exclusively woman or man.
Some people who are nonbinary experience their gender as both man and woman, and others experience their gender as neither man nor woman.
Nonbinary can also be used as an umbrella term, encompassing many gender identities that don’t fit into the man-woman binary.*

This came from the Healthline website. And well, I've never felt like a girly girl... I loved boys clothes, I loved boys toys, when I could I got very short hair... I am a woman with the bits and bops that go with it. But I've never felt like a proper one. I didn't do heels, dresses, or makeup. I don't really behave like a girl...

So that made me wonder if I could be non-binary instead?

I am wondering if my non-binary friends may be able to share a wee bit of why they identify as non-binary. Can it be "as simple" as not feeling like a girly girl when born as CIS woman? But also not feeling like I'm in the wrong body? 🤔

My autistic brain really struggles with this... I don't want to offend anyone, but I also want to know more about this, about me... If that makes sense...

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate it!

@PixysJourney I've had similar thoughts. I took a lot of criticism in youth for not acting or dressing like a "proper" girl, so much so that by my late teens I just gave up and started dressing more femme to make it stop. When my own kid realized their enby orientation, I remember reading about it and thinking, "Well GEEZ if I'd known THIS was an option, I'd have been that!"

And now I'm 50 and am like...can I still be that? Is it too late?

@hollie
Thank you for sharing! 🤗
I never gave in to the girly bits. Well, I tried one dress and a wee bit of makeup, but it didn't last, as I couldn't deal with it properly.

I guess it's never too late though!!

I'm almost 45 and, after thinking I was "just bi" (sorry, that's how my brain phrases it) for over 30 years, now I am wondering if it may be "more", and indeed, if it may be that I'm non-binary.

So I guess we came to that age where we've learned things and now we wonder if that's indeed who we were all along... 😊

@PixysJourney @hollie just in case my viewpoint helps -

I'm 41, a few years ago I wondered about non-binary too. I wear my hair short, have trouble relating to girly girls, will occasionally dress up very femme but day to day it's T shirts and jeans, no make up. I get on well with men and have many typical geeky male interests.

But .. I don't feel weird about being a woman. I simply am one. One that isn't so feminine, and that's OK too :)

@PixysJourney @hollie you can be and call yourself whatever you want tbh - especially if being referred to as "a woman" had ever made you feel weird or icky.

I have come to understand my trans friends have different feelings about it than I do, and that actually I'm fine, even if I am at the masculine end of female gender presentation.

@hollie @PixysJourney It’s so crazy and inane that the societies I’m familiar with take the rainbow sphere of being a human (I bet there are loads of spikes coming out of that sphere too) and attempt to slice it into binary components. It’s so arbitrary to declare that certain fabrics, styled in certain ways are ‘female’ or ‘male’ appropriate. And ditto for behaviours, attractions, interests — every aspect of human life. I know there are cultures that acknowledge and incorporate more than 2 genders. Mine is not one of them unfortunately. I think the whole notion of ‘non-binary’ is an excellent one. If that concept had been around when I was a kid in the 1950s and 60s I could imagine I might have adopted it. Now, as a 70 year old I know for sure I’m a woman, and that anything I do or wear or have an interest in is one of the many things that women do or say or have an interest in. I help to define what a ‘woman’ is; society does not get to tell me I’m not ‘womanly’.

@sarajw
I never felt like I was in the wrong body. But I do feel like I'm just not "only" a woman. My interests, my likes, the way how I deal with things... I've never been called feminine by folks and some even called me sir at times, by the way I dressed and behaved...
I feel like I'm more than one gender with it's usual "assigned characteristics", if that makes sense.
So that's why I came to wonder if the non-binary bit would suit me best, with my feelings and all...

Thank you for your kind words. And sorry for my babbling. I try to put my feelings to words, but it's just difficult for me. Especially since English isn't my main language. 😊

So I'm very grateful for all the replies! 🌸
@hollie

@PixysJourney @sarajw @Miraz (1/2) This is such an interesting discussion, thank you! Jupiter, like Sara, has always told me, "Claim whatever you want, whenever you want, that's the beauty of it," and I love that. I think partly why I don't fully adopt the label is that a) I'm lazy and because no one forces me too choose (and the teasing stopped a long time ago), and b) I'm ornery and I like the idea of just keeping "woman" even though I don't quite feel like it, so I can wedge -->

@PixysJourney @sarajw @Miraz (2/2) --> my metaphorical foot in the door and hold it open for trans friends, and tell transphobes to fuck off.

So it's like, do I try to shape a new identity/label, or do I demand that the one I'm used to be made to fit me? I'm less bold and more ornery, so the latter option fits me better.

And I love how Miraz put it, "I help to define what a ‘woman’ is; society does not get to tell me I’m not ‘womanly’."

Heck yeah. :)

@hollie
Thanks for this! 😁
Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the reply that @Miraz gave that you refer to. 😔 Maybe the instances aren't federated yet? Could you please screenshot it for me so I can reply to your toots better, knowing what Miraz has shared as well... Fankoos 🫶🏻 in advance! 🤗

@sarajw

@PixysJourney @Miraz @sarajw Oh here it is, I think when she linked to your name it didn't quite work! :)

https://social.coop/@Miraz@miraz.me/114400893324186537

@hollie
Thank you for the link, yeah I saw that my name wasn't tagged in properly, hence I could see it.

I do agree with Miraz, there are so many more gendere than the two, and then theres the mixed ones, where you experience both... And indeed, non-binary just seems to make sense in many ways...
I also liked the demigirl one, that @luciledt told me about in another reply on the original Toot.

Yeah, I am a woman, but my idea of that just doesn't confirm with most of society's "rules" for women. So indeed, I agree with you and Miraz, we get to define our own ways of femininity and womanhood.

Thanks to all for the kind replies so far! I really appreciate it

@Miraz @sarajw

@jayeless @Miraz @PixysJourney I love the way you put this! So agree!

@hollie
I agree as well... People should feel free to associate with a gender that they feel most comfortable with...
I've been researching some more, and maybe the autigender and enby one can be seen as a combined one, Autienby... So I'm trying to find out a bit more about that... 😊
It's an interesting journey for sure...

Thank you all for sharing and caring!

@jayeless @Miraz

@PixysJourney @hollie @jayeless So glad to have had this wee discussion on such an interesting topic. I hope you find your way to what makes you happy. 😀

@Miraz
Indeed, thanks ever so much for replying to it! And thanks again, I hope I'll find my way... I feel like I'm slowly "zoning in" on what feels most natural to me. 😊

@hollie @jayeless

@the
You're very welcome 🌸 and thanks to all that helped me with this part of my journey. I keep on learning, bit by bit. 😊
@Miraz

@PixysJourney @hollie @luciledt @Miraz I can't properly see or respond to the other thread either - but I agree and also find this a great conversation!

No, just because we don't conform to societies rules on our gender doesn't mean we have to start identifying differently. Womanhood and manhood and enbyhood can present however it wants!

But if you feel in yourself that you are not only one binary gender or you feel more at home considering yourself as a mixture of different ones then cool 🤍🩵🩷

@sarajw
Thank you for your replies, for your kindness, support and understanding. 😊
It really was a nice chat and it's helped me to make some progress on my journey.

@hollie @luciledt @Miraz

@PixysJourney @hollie @luciledt @Miraz

@PixysJourney

I'm AMAB, but nonbinary. It took me over 50 years to realize this. I do experience gender dysphoria, but my dysphoria is social. I don't give a rat's ass about gender roles, and I don't want to have behavior imposed on me because I am "a man."

@sarajw

@hollie @luciledt @Miraz

@yourautisticlife
Thank you for sharing.