🔖 Read The Death Positive Movement.
@kimberlyhirsh a very interesting article… my one quibble with it is the youth of the people talking about it, which makes it much easier to talk about death since they are likely distant from their own demise… being a year or two on the other side of 65 myself, end of life thinking has a whole different emotional impact for me i suspect… the recognition that there are more years behind me than ahead of me is not easy… i recently finished reading Etel Adnan’s book Shifting The Silence, which i highly recommend… she wrote it in her 90’s and shortly before she died, so it is a meditation about mortality and life that is quite beautiful… thank you for sharing… as the article points out it is a difficult subject to discuss for most of us and i honor your pushing it out there for our thinking and embracing…
@mbkriegh I think about the youthfulness of the leaders of the movement, too. I'm in a sandwich generation moment and have recently witnessed the difficulty my parents faced when handling the death of their own parents. My hope is that by thinking and talking about it now, we'll have a better experience in 20 years or so when we're facing death closely.
@kimberlyhirsh my father died this past summer. He was able to die at home with hospice care and family around (not including me). It was, as deaths go, dignified. It was significant to me largely as a relief from decades of a bad and punishing relationship with him. Deaths don’t in general seem as complex for the individual dying as they are for the living left behind. The biggest mistake we all make is in living in anticipation of what will be as opposed to appreciating what is, right here, right now. We miss so much of love and life that way. If we can avoid that pitfall I think we can arrive at the end without too many regrets and with the love of family and friends to send us off.
@kimberlyhirsh Good to see all these posts coming through. I've been following Caitlin Doughty's posts and videos for a couple of years now. She's one of only two people I follow on Patreon.
@mbkriegh I'm glad it was a relief for you. My family's challenges were as much about logistical disagreements as anything else. Being in the moment is important, but a bit of planning ahead can allow us to spend those last days focused on love rather than a checklist.
@Miraz I've been following the Order's work for a couple of years. I really appreciate what they're doing.
@kimberlyhirsh my sister, the uber planner, did the check list stuff. Part of her coping mechanism. Every family should have a checklist member. Preferably only one. Your family’s experience sounds more fraught. I am not against planning to a point but have always been an it-goes-like-it-goes sort of person. It’s good that you are doing what you need to do for you. There is no one right way to do things. And I appreciate your getting an important conversation going.
@kimberlyhirsh Likewise. With the terminal illness of a friend, my partner and I were (again) discussing how we must codify how we want things to be when our turn comes. We've discussed several times, but need to write it down.
@Miraz my wife and I went through that exercise when we set up our trust a few years ago. We just discussed going back and revisiting it.
@hawaiiboy Yes, I suspect it should be reviewed perhaps annually as everything changes all the time — eg Covid!