Making Myself Vulnerable: jayeless.net
@jayeless This resonates with me so much. It can be hard to just āput it all out thereā, leaving yourself exposed and open for judgement.
Just writing about this fact in and of itself is showing vulnerability, and I really love knowing that others feel this way too. I hope you can get to a place where you feel comfortable about sharing those parts of yourself online - I know it will be a privilege to read about them. ā¤ļø
@jayeless It can be a bit hard to balance for sure. I have had cringes from earlier writing too, and sometimes being too open. I recently started writing a journal about the stuff that doesnāt need being online, but that gets it out of my head.
@jayeless Itās tricky. What springs to mind is a totally private blog, aka journal that doesnāt get anywhere near publicā¦
@jayeless Oh wow something in the air? I just published a rant (that I will surely cringe at later) and then read this. Sending love. Figuring out how to process trauma is hard.
@maique I fell asleep in the early evening, but woke up at 11PM. Now I donāt know whether to try to sleep or just powering myself through the night. I feel the solitude now.
@jordon Sorry youāve had a tough week too. I feel lighter putting it into words too. Cheers, and hereās to a better week ahead.
@jayeless agree with all above. It is a ridiculous proposition in many ways, post this or that and that == me.forever() #updatethis! geezā¦ I can say that putting stuff into words and then just tucking them away (as so many others mention, too) is good. I poopooed this at first blush, but it kinda works. Anyway, cool waves, chill budsā¦ Ā š¤š½
@circustiger @maique @odd @Miraz @lmika @Annie @jordon @bkryer @annahavron Thank you so much for the kind replies ā¤ļø I walked away from my computer for an hour and came back to an outpouring of support, so thank you. For those of you who are also going through rough times, Iām sorry, and I hope things improve for you guys soon. A couple of you mentioned journalling, and I do do that, and I think it helps (or at least it can ā if I mix the bad stuff in with the innocuous entries, though, rereading my journal gets dicey). But I think sometimes itās not good to keep everything bottled up. Especially if Iām apparently lacking in other stuff to talk about. A little controlled release is fine. So, thanks again for reading and understanding, guys ā¤ļø
@jayeless thank you for sharing! You talking about not being able to talk about things is making a lot of us feel less alone.
@jayeless I really love having DayOne around for this. When I am feeling vulnerable or unsure, I pour it out in there. Sometimes, I read back what I wrote when Iām done and I feel great about publishing it to my blog. Sometimes Iām grateful that I have a different place for what I wrote. Every time Iām grateful that I chose to write about how Iām feeling.
@jayeless Honestly - just reading posts like yours restores my faith in humanity. We are the lucky ones.
@pgkr And thank you for your comment! Iām glad my post has some value for some people who arenāt just me š
@jsonbecker Itās a good strategy! I do similar, but with Obsidian as my journalling app. This very post started as a note in Obsidian, and even went I went to bed last night I didnāt think Iād publish it. Iām kinda glad I did, now. But it can definitely be a relief to pour words out even if they donāt subsequently go anywhere, too.
@jayeless Coming in late, but boy did this resonate. I actively DO still have that same rule for myself - donāt be too vulnerable. It has been my one guiding principle. I have deleted things on occasion when Iād walked away and the churning in my gut made me realized Iād violated that (lots of times my husband couldnāt see what the big deal was, but he is endlessly chill and I amā¦less so, lol). I was bullied a lot as a kid (8 different schools in 9 years) and then again in my twenties - behavior I didnāt understand (still donāt, honestly), the only real clues being a couple times when someone said, āYouāre just so nice and so open,ā like thatāsā¦.a target I carry? I still barf enthusiasm all over friends and loved ones, but Iām more careful with it online. I share what I find funny - humor is gold, I love sharing laughs - but I generally donāt share what hurts me. I still have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, healthy boundaries have been useful for me to learn. On the other, I wonder about the closeness I could be building if I shared more - especially struggles with anxiety and chronic illness. Which is just to say, I think itās great that you wrote what you did, and reading it - especially about feeling exposed - connected with me very much. I hope this stuff eases up and youāre able to feel some relief. ā¤ļø
@hollie No such thing as late š I appreciate you sharing some of your experiences as well, and I can relate to what you say! I used to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot more, but I learnt, over time, that itās not a good idea. Enthusiasm over nerdy stuff, I donāt mind sharing (in fact I probably do that more now) but I try not to get too personal. Boundaries are important. That feeling that Iāve overshared sucks. But on the other hand, I think it is true that it makes it harder to establish new (close) friendships. You canāt do that without vulnerability, but then if youāve learnt that vulnerability inevitably means pain, itās hard, haha. Even this post was kind of an experiment in saying the least I could without saying nothing at all. Ah wellā¦ thank you for reading, and sharing, and Iām glad you can relate ā¤ļø
@canion Heh, my journal is also pretty full of vulnerability all over the place, if Iām honest. Thanks for your comment; Iām doing all right š
@jayeless For what itās worth, no matter what kinds of things you post (about), I like seeing your posts. I find them quite valuable