@Miraz I really love this perspective! I want my brain to learn this too. That it isn’t a competition. I’ve fallen short in so many areas in life, you would think my brain had learned this by now. Yet here I was, planning to run a 3K in better time than 15:30, my fastest time ever by I’m 60.
When I told an acquaintance, he asked “And how old where you when you got your record?”. I was 21… 21…60. Not the same. I will try to keep the goal, but not get so critical of myself if I don’t reach it. And I want to read about the Stoic philosophy too, when my brain works better. 🧠
@odd I guess what I'm slowly learning (and haven't got there yet) is to critique what my brain's telling me rather than just accepting it. I can do this in other areas of my life: "Hey, where did that extremely racist notion pop into my brain from?!" (the world we live in) but it's so much harder when my brain's telling me I'm not adequate in some way. For me, facts are a good starting point — yes, some folks are better at [x] than I am, but I can also point to folks who aren't. And why are we even comparing?
@Miraz Yep. My therapist was really trying to tell me this, but I was too busy trying to convince her about the opposite to really absorb it. About racism: I still have things to unlearn, and it’s so convenient to blame someone else for one’s problems, and especially if they stand out in one way or the other, it needn’t even be racism. I believe I’ve come a long way, but I am not there yet, where I can say it is gone, I’m sad to report. Comparing ourselves among ourselves, isn’t wise, and even to how we used to do ourselves is probably not. I could run quicker when I was 21 than when I was 11, and I had no problem with admitting that, but the other way around is a bit more difficult.
@Miraz Good post. I know that even when I look at my parents, who are the same age, there's a huge difference between what they're capable of, and it sort of belies the idea that there's even such a thing as "a typical sixty-something-year-old". Your personal health, and which skills you've chosen to work on and hone over the decades, make a huge difference. It's almost certainly true for younger people as well, so I'll say we shouldn't keep comparing ourselves to others, but try to focus on what would make good achievements for us, from the point we're at now 🙂
@Miraz Excellent post. As I approach 65 I keep asking myself "Where is this 'old age' that everyone talks about?"
@Miraz take a look at ashton applewhite's this chair rocks - been reading her for years ... my single summary takeaway
we don’t get old - we do get older.
good post. Thankyou.
@JohnPhilpin Thanks John. Yes, I read her book a couple of years ago and was very persuaded by it. 😀
@jayeless Other writers have made the point that for example, (western) 16 year olds are all generally pretty much alike really. They have 16 years of experience of the world largely taken up with schooling. OTOH older people have all different kinds of life experience. We diverge as we get older. Which is why it's frustrating that forms list age groups like 15-20, 20-30 etc and then a homogeneous 65+, as if a 65 year old is comparable to a 95 year old who has an additional 30 years of life experience.
@jayeless And yup. I'm trying to get my brain to stop trying to randomly pop comparisons into my head. 😆
@Miraz 10 years ago, somewhere West of Pamplona on the Camino, I fell into conversation with an older French gentleman as we walked along the trail. I discovered he was almost 80, walking alone, was intent on reaching Santiago, which was still about 650km away.
When I remarked on his fitness, he told me that he loved doing long walks in the Winter and running races in the Summer. Running? I asked. Yes, he replied. And also he said, “I always win”. Really? I asked. Yes, he replied. “I always win because I’m the only one in my age category”
I loved our conversation.
I didn’t see him again after that day, but I think of him often, especially when my brain is lying to me that I can’t do something or other.