From the files of the pretend poet, mid-October 2018… ardisson.org
@vasta Thanks, Sameer; it was an amazing moment when it popped into my head, catching my breath a little; I’m pleased to hear that it provokes a similarly powerful response in readers. (I’d been doing some reading on the Punic Wars recently, so I think that’s what had put “salt” in my subconscious). I wish I could say the rest of the poem is a good as that first stanza… :-)
@johnjohnston Glad you enjoyed it, John. (That reminds me, I really wanted to do some work on that page for the 20th anniversary…I guess I still have a few months left.)
@smokey I agree with Sameer. The effect of that word choice is heightened by its following the most multisyllabic word in the poem. The fourth & fifth lines really build the contrast: DAH-duh DAH-duh DAH-duh / DAH-duh dah dah duh-duh-duh-DAH-duh / DAH duh.
@schuth Thanks, William; it is especially validating to hear such things from someone who works in poetry professionally. I must admit, though, that I did not put quite that degree of thought into it (or perhaps I would have searched for something that kept the rhythm going a little better in that penultimate line; it drags a bit there, but I guess your point about the justaposition balances that). I did want a short line to punctuate the stanza, and “Salted” felt like a figurative bold period with which to do so.