I entirely loathe headlines that say “What you need to know about X.”

I’ll decide what I need to know, thank you, no matter how ex-fucking-cathedra you think you can make yourself sound. Did you don a mantle and mace and mount a rostrum before writing?

Tell me what *you* know and I’ll take it under advisement, and boost it if I think it's good.

@timbray Along those lines I hate headlines that are “If you are doing X, you are probably doing it wrong!” .

@timbray "That's all you ever need to know about X."

@timbray

"Go Read This Story About..." ooops, scrolled past.

@timbray Yes that also triggers me. Utter arrogance of media types with their heads jammed firmly up their own arses.

@timbray I find those headlines extremely helpful, because every time I read one, my internal narrator shouts "NOTHING" at me, "YOU NEED TO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS" and I do not click.

@timbray

This, plus the presumptuousness "Here are the Xs you've never heard of"

@timbray "What I Needed To Know About Writing Headlines" might also work

@timbray Can I get in on this? Here's mine: The trope "The Best {noun} You've Never Heard Of" needs to die in a fire.

@timbray Really the fault of the publication not the author

@timbray

FOMO click-bait technique # 1

@timbray "You won't believe number 37"

@timbray there should be a Chrome extension that rewrites such titles into "about X".