I can feel my heart again and it is the strangest feeling.
@alexink waking up on Sunday I could feel the weight of my heart, of what had happened to my marriage and family, of my actions (or inaction) that contributed to the eventual divorce. I physically woke up that morning, but also mentally woke up with a clarity that I haven’t had in what feels like forever. I missed her, I felt terrible for what had happened, I wanted to reconcile and try again…we have been divorced now for two years, separated in January of 2021, a deep chasm forming at the end of 2019. Not since before then have I felt anything for her, love turned to resentment. I have had so much work to do on my own heart these past 4 years but never felt the need to (and so did nothing), did not recognize my faults in the marriage, pointed everything at her. That changed when I woke up on Sunday and I’m not sure why. But I feel an odd sense of direction right now that is not selfish (for once). I know exactly what I need to do, and why, and am taking steps toward those changes. We had our first honest conversation about all of this Sunday afternoon and for the first time in a while I have some sense of hope.
Sorry…long answer.
@aa Indeed, never apologise for answering honestly. It must have taken some time for your own mind to work through all this on a subconscious level to come to the conclusions it has, in the time it took, for you to arrive at Sunday and, well, have an epiphany for want of a better word.
I only hope for you and your relationship with your ex that you can talk things through. It sounds like you made the hardest steps and then next? Is up to you both I guess.
@aa It’s exciting to hear that some realization that was “baking” deep down inside has finished and is ready to come out. Legit prayers for life to continue to become lighter and more open for you.
@aa 🧡 open heart, clear steps, honest conversations, and hope. That's beautiful. may the path ahead be lighter and smoother.
@gregmoore appreciated. Still in the thick of it at the moment, expect to be for a while. Hard to feel all of the feelings at once. Shame. Anger (at myself). Loss. Hope. Was in a puddle on the floor last night. Life is no joke.