“I was right behind a woman who was on the smaller side and really struggling with her roller bag. I had a moment of indecision as to whether it would be chivalrous or condescending of me to offer to help her.”
I know how he feels.
@JohnPhilpin 1. The argument for better design so we don't need to give tons of people accommodations points toward universal design. It does take a lot of resources to retrofit for UD, but at least we can keep it in mind when designing new things. 2. Speaking as a short woman who struggles with bags sometimes, I think offering to help is okay; insisting on helping wouldn't be. Phrased as "Would you like me to help you?" I wouldn't find it condescending. (Probably I wouldn't think of it as chivalrous either, but that's partly because in my mind chivalry is inherently condescending while helpfulness is not.)
@JohnPhilpin I was yelled at by a (to me at least(then)) - elderly lady, when I offered her my seat in a full bus. I just thought she needed it more than I did. Another time a pregnant woman came in the full bus, but she was very thankful for the seat.
Some like chivalry too, and don’t find it condescending. It depends on the situation, and if it is obvious if there are other motives I think.
@KimberlyHirsh with you on design... as for part 2 I get it.
AND
Unfortunately, people vary in their responses. Being aggressively told a couple of times not to hold the door for someone as they pass through makes me think twice about doing it again (but I do) - for women and men. Can't recall the last time I was thanked (not why I do it - just observing).
Multiplying these failures across the population makes the world a worse place.
I’ve got the stories. Many of them. So did my dad - a different generation who saw nothing wrong in joking and playing with kids. He never understood why on one occasion he was told loudly by a woman to ‘leave my kid alone’. I witnessed the exchange. She was out of order. The kid was confused - one minute laughing with my dad, the next being pulled away by his mother. (I assume it was his mother.)
And yes - I have no idea of her back story, so have no idea if she or people she knew suffered at the hands of some stranger - or even relation - but she clearly had an agenda.
So of course - I didn't get into it. If I had, she would probably have screamed 'paedophile' ... and then where do we go? So instead I gently manoeuvered my octogenarian father away.
After that, he would often revisit the scene in his head and ask me what he had done wrong? Why did she scream at him?
How do you explain? How often do you explain?
Yup - the world truly is a sadder place.
@JohnPhilpin I'm sorry your father had that experience. I think to the extent possible (that is, until you are too burned by negative responses to keep doing it) we should keep doing things like holding doors and offering but not insisting on help ("Would you like my seat?" on the bus instead of 'Here, take my seat").