Don’t believe folks who tell you the only acceptable way to be your true self is to lie about it to prevent their discomfort. That’s hokum. Of course, if your true self is inextricably intertwined with making others uncomfortable, well, can I interest you in our selection of alternate planets…

@bkryer i think I know what you mean here but gotta say that in my current environment (Midwest Bible Belt ‘Merica) my true self IS inextricably intertwined with making others uncomfortable. And I’m kind of embracing it.

@Annie Drat! I’ve been called out on my foggy gibberish, again. Did I say that out loud?

The distinction I tried and failed to draw is: if one is annoying to others simple because of one’s existence, that’s bogus, but if one is consistently taking actions to annoy others, well, maybe something else is happening with one that’s not to do with persecution or its variants. I guess I’m tip-toeing around the deeper concept of ’intent’.

The sense I get from you is that simply being who you are bugs some folks around you. An ignorant remark is made, you don’t resist the urge to comment on it. Worldview force field takes a hit. Eyebrows and smirks and sighs oh my. I don’t wish anyone would have to deal with that on the regular, but I understand your holding firm.

@bkryer getting older helps a lot

@bkryer Intent definitely matters.

And for me, learning to allow others to feel and deal with their own discomfort (rather than adjusting myself to fit into predefined parameters / avoid “upsetting topics” / nod and smile) is a big + fairly new thing. I’ve always had a tendency to notice bullshit but have muted myself on calling it out too many times. Not muting so much, these days. :)

@JohnPhilpin I feel smothered at either extreme, when most everyone is full of contempt, it feels like hard fire, and when most are slavishly smarmy, it feels like soft ice, but in both cases it is constricting and unpleasant.

@Annie I get that. I have had some experience recently where I too decided that it is actually fine for me to say something when normally I would cling to murky principles like “higher road” or “bigger man” and other comparable bullshit to convince myself silence and inaction are superior in some way, even if only to earn internal fortitude points. Silly, really.

And the relief I felt when the world didn’t end as a result of my comment? Remarkable!

@bkryer oh my god I hate it when I realize that me “being a good person” ends up just me thinking I’m more important than I am.

@Annie It’s like a flashlight in a hall of mirrors. Well lit me as far as I can see! :-)

@bkryer hahah that’s a great description