@aa I feel an affinity with you. I have this very detached relationship with my family. It's taken a long time to figure out who I am, and now, I'm content with where I find myself. But it's been one hell of a journey.
I hope you figure it out for yourself.
@alexink I appreciate you saying so. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my head entirely with these things, making it all up and it isn't actually reality. Writing about it helps to a point, but there is so much there, a lot of which I have no memory of, that writing only seems to take it so far. Not that I'm looking for answers per se, but I do want to better understand things...why they are the way they are, how I can do better, and so on. Family is such an interesting dynamic.
@aa As they say, we're born into a family, but get to choose our friends. And having family doesn't necessarily mean we're friends with any of them. Other than a number of years shared as kids together, I really don't have that much in common with my direct family members. I have certain memories, but sometimes they feel very vague and probably, by now, not as accurate as I think.
And yes, you're right, most families are this weird dynamic and a lot less than "normal" than we're all given to believe.
@aa I relate to what you share here about losing your (an) identity. Something I didn't anticipate to hit me so strongly through/after divorce. It's made me realize how very much we depend on those closest to us to echo back to us who we are, help us identify our own outline/shape, solidify our values and know that we're okay. I don't think that's wrong at all. I think it's natural and important. We're social creatures, and we're largely defined by our sense of belonging. There were a lot of nights after separating from my ex when I would lay in bed feeling almost like I didn't exist. Even with my kids nearby. Divorce is not just the death of a relationship but also the death of who we became, knew ourselves to be, within that relationship.
When I am with my family (my parents, my brother) I feel like a stranger, but surely my parents at least know me better than that. My brother, 2 years younger than me, seems to have the better relationship with my parents. Maybe that time together with me out of the house bonded them more closely? Who knows. It is hard for me to figure out exactly how I feel here, how it seems, how it is. I am here but I am not.
This is exactly how I feel!